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sincerely with love

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[13 Apr 2007|09:04pm]

sometimes i get so scared
that you will run back to her
and her mascarared eyes
leave me for the east
and never come back west
oh you
run so fast
faster than me, maybe to her
i can't tell you
how this thought
rips me apart
like a seam i'll never sew.

perfect daydream (u're a cloud) [14 May 2004|01:47pm]

u're a cloud
than ten pillows

higher than
angel choir

mere mortal life

don't u see
to human u'd

lose form and
we'd lose
altitude and

so much more
to what
i see in u

i breathe in
truth that's

u're a cloud
higher than


[10 May 2004|04:42pm]

i loathe the afternoon that comes before the evening i make my 6 minute drive to your house, racing for the green stoplights, changing lanes behind slow drivers just so i could get to you faster. i drive ten miles above the speed limit, anxiously hoping i don't hit any cars or get stopped by cops waiting in the shadows to hand out a ticket.

"but officer, i was only speeding so i could wrap my arms around him faster."

i've waited three, four days to lie upon your pillows with sheep and clouds. to talk in excess about the things that filled my four days up without you. i've never missed someone when we're not together and it kills me inside to feel this missing sensation. it's all so new, it's all so exciting. we wrestle and i let you win. i tickle you and you pin my hips into the mattress and prod until i shriek in laughter. i know we detest the long days we put between seeing each other. but when i see you, everything becomes alright and my heart pounds faster than the way i sped over to your house.

i long for the nights when your scent still lingers on my skin when i come home.

[05 May 2004|01:27am]

i remember that morning after. waking up next to her. i never went to sleep next to a girl before that. i like that feeling of closeness. the warmth on her side of her tiny little bed. the soft imprint she made on the pillow. a stray hair of hers that fell on my face. that was the best night of sleep i ever had. it's terrible sleeping alone now. but i can't fake it with another. i've got to love the person next to me. i've got to hold her and feel her soul in my arms. that's the only thing i want in this world. to feel love like that on me, wrap my arms around it, feel it's fingers on my skin, breathe it in, know that this is the one place in the world i belong. i remember that perfect night and that perfect morning because it was the last time i saw her. that's the only time i ever got it right. i mean just got EVERYTHING right. no lies, no tricks, no games. god i really loved that girl and god she might have really loved me. i got it so right that one time. all i can hope for now is that i'll get it right again. if not, then at least i'll always remember the happiest time of my life.

[26 Apr 2004|11:54am]

i tried to marry the wrong girl. shoulda proposed to sonya who loves me more than i love her. not juliana who doesn't love me at all. but it scares me when people like me more than i like them. i've always gotta have it the hard way huh? besides, what right do i have to propose to anyone?

year one [22 Apr 2004|02:35pm]

[ mood | happy ]

365+ blissful wishful wish granted happyface-stamping enchanting romancing abandon, understanding attracting... attatching demanding, misunderstanding, resolving revolving evolving intoxicate melting from freezing of burning then easing by scorching then breathing then sneezing and such it is... 12 months, kisses at random through phone recievers to cheeks to lips tulips roses valentine cards and picnics and meet the ho's and meet the coregroup meet and greet eachother every day we can we exchange loving somethings tiny sweet nothings short breath thumping loud under my shirt and greatest joys and deepest hurts and who needs church, there's you to worship, who needs work it steals my time my mind on you my life for 52+ weeks i've found the truths of all...


[21 Apr 2004|11:00pm]

i lust you.

love and pop [25 Mar 2004|01:25pm]

love is the worst thing that happens to me. it makes me scream and makes me violent, it puts terrible thoughts in my mind and drives me to insanity. love tightens my heart at the thought of her and it makes me hurt myself. it makes me burn and cut and bruise my body. the intensity of love destroys the rational and just part of my mind. love makes me honest and truthful and ruins the charming liar that i am. it makes me want to forget my history and makes me think of a future only with her. love caused me to run away from home years ago and to leave home now. i've run to all of america and fled to canada flew to china and japan and now takes me to escape to europe because if i can't have her i don't want to be around her. where everything reminds me of her. love makes me want her and love failed makes me want to remove myself from the world. love drives me and without it i am nothing but with it i am confused. love encouraged puts joy in me and love reciprocated puts happiness in me. love rejected kills me. love is the best thing that CAN happen to my and the worst thing that HAS happened to me. but i don't want to exist without love. so i'll keep going, looking for the next love and new loves and building love until one day it all fits and all works and all is well. i love someone and it won't work out. but if i hope and believe years from now it might. and all i need to keep living.

like a summer rose [22 Mar 2004|11:42am]

this weekend all i thought about was thursday night, the heat of your body, the whisper of your voice. this is comftable, you and i, lying underneath layers of blankets propped by pillows strewn around us. there is a period before the deed that i lie on your body giving you a recount of my days since i last saw you. you laugh at my story, as your body heat raises the hair on my skin, my head. i run and twist my fingers in and around the soft feel of your hair as you close your eyes. our hearts are beating so close, so close, that i can tap out rhythms in time.

this is a kiss and it is the softest moment ever.

maybe it's wrestling, maybe it's fighting limbs versus limbs, but it's a dance, a collision of bodies that slam and fall into each other. fight me, bite me, grab me, i dare you. can you feel any more electrifying?

later i look at our reflection reflected by blue lights in the window curtained by a layer of steam. and i tell you, "i like this image." you whisper as you wrap your arms tighter around my naked back, "i like it too."

you are the bliss that makes me smile, you are the moment i've been waiting for.

a poem called H E A L I N G.. [14 Mar 2004|07:39am]

we all hurt. sometimes, we all hurt too much. but every cut, it heals. enjoy the poem."

Happiness is a figment of its own imagination,
Trying to undo my smiles,
Mimicking the sound of laughter,
Reversing what I thought was bliss.
Happiness has forgotten me,
Has left me in the darkest room,
Crying in the corner.
Tears take shape and form into pieces of glass,
Cutting my heart,
As it exposes the beautiful butterfly.
It will find happiness
It will guide me to redemption
And there I will find the end of the rainbow,
And there I will begin to H E A L…

love one another

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